I Miss My Cat
My beautiful cat of 20 years died a few weeks ago, and I’m still trying to figure out my life without her. 20 years is a long time. She was with me for so long that she became more like a family member than a pet. She bossed me around from the age of 6, and I was completely fine with it.
Most days I get into my normal routine and kind of forget that she’s not here. It isn’t until I do certain things that remind me of her that the pain comes creeping back in. It’s little things really. Like a cup of water. At night, I could never have a cup of water sitting on my nightstand while I slept, because she was guaranteed to stick her face or her paw in it and take a drink. Then I’d go to get a sip in the middle of the night and instantly regret it, since I could TELL it had been tampered with, and I was instantly reminded that she also licked her butt clean earlier that day. So now, realizing I can safely keep a cup of water there, I think of her.
I’ve realized that I built up habits with her around too. Such as, we could never leave a door open for more than a couple of seconds at a time. Though she was contented with her life, she still attempted to escape whenever possible. So it’s in my habit now to hurry through the door with 5 bags of groceries on each arm, and close the door behind me. I don’t have to do that now, and that will take some getting used to.
Friends and family have asked me if I’ll get another cat or dog, and some have even offered me strays they’ve found. My instinct is to say yes, since any set of big beautiful eyes and a bushy tail can instantly melt my cold dark heart. But having that heart broken over and over again in the past year has really taken its toll. All I can think about is how short a pets’ life is, and that someday this adorable little creature will get very old, and I will have to witness it slowly deteriorate and then swiftly leave me forever. Do I dare give my heart out again only to have it broken? Someday, I hope to say yes. But as of right now, I’m content holding the memories of my sweet cat and dogs, knowing that for one moment in my life there existed 4 living things that loved me unconditionally, and I loved them too.